I Don’t Have to be Everything!

Sometimes I love having lots of kids. Every now and then the thought hits me that I don’t have to be everything for my children, and it fills me with such relief. Algernon was an only child for such a long time, and although I had a big support system, I still felt that it was my sole responsibility to be teacher for her.

Then all the others came along. Every now and then I see one of them spontaneously taking over some responsibility, and the sight is wonderful!

We have been so frustrated that Ebby has been refusing to potty train. We’ve cajoled, encouraged, supported, and bribed him to do it, but no, he still doesn’t feel ready. He’s over 4! When, when, when will he stop wearing diapers?

Yesterday morning Bobo took a hand in it and declared, “Ebby, I’m going to teach you how to go on the potty. You’re a big boy, and big boys don’t wear diapers!”

So off they went into the bathroom to do whatever it is they needed to do.  I sat here, not wanting to disturb whatever motivation Bobo had for taking a hand in this effort.  He can’t have worse luck than we have had in this endeavor.

Update: he wore the undies all day and went in the potty on his own. So YAY for positive peer pressure and big brothers!

Frustrations about the System

Talked to K12 and asked about Meme’s grade level, which is still showing up on the enrollment page as seventh grade, which is the grade I want her to be doing.  In their records, she’s signed up for eighth, for which I don’t think she’s ready. I wish they would update the records that I see so that it would be less confusing.

After being passed around on the phone, I finally got a firm answer to my questions about her grade level. No matter what grade level is she doing currently, K12 places them in their age appropriate grade level – so a 5 year old enters K, a 6 enters 1st, etc. When the start date becomes closer, she’ll take a scan-tron assessment test (at that testing center that, if you remember, they still have not found) to determine her capacity level. At that point, her Louisiana certified K12 teacher will adjust her curricula to her capacity level, but her grade level will remain the same.

I have a couple of problems with this system of placement.

First, they insist that the state is making them do it this way. If that’s true, then why isn’t Connections Academy also forced to do it this way? Does CA have a completely different agreement with Louisiana? Possibly. Or is it their own policy they enforce in state run versions of K12? More likely. I honestly don’t know.

Second, what if I had been homeschooling my children at an advanced rate and they were several grade levels ahead? Or even one grade level ahead? With the way their placement works, they may be doing work on an advanced level, but they wouldn’t finish high school any faster than the average student who either wasn’t capable of working ahead or not ambitious enough to do it.

All those frustrations and feeling of powerlessness that I felt when Algernon was in school are suddenly resurging. (deep breath in . . . deep breath out . . . a little better now)

As a homeschool mom, I’m used to being the one to determine what my children are doing – for better or worse.  What I understand now, that I didn’t understand 16 years ago, is that there is actually much more wiggle room than most schools are willing to admit – virtual schools or brick and mortar schools. The teachers and principals have the ability to adjust much more than they let on, but it is a huge pain in the tush.

They’re not bad guys. If something is in the best interest of the student, they will go to great lengths to see that it happens. But, and this is a big, big but, I’ve always felt that as a parent I am never listened to.  I’m sure that there are many, many parents who either insist that their children are capable of doing more or less than the children actually are, and I’m sure that school officials have their fill of them. But I would like at least the pre-tense that I may know my child a bit better than they will by reading their scan-tron tests. 

Okay enough ranting! I have much to do and such a short time in which to do it.

Oh No! Not a Waiting List!

So we’ve hit a snag. Finally, after much additional paperwork was sent in to Connections Academy (CA), more than they originally asked for, Meme, and only Meme, is out of the application process. Here’s the snag: her grade level is full, so she’s on a waiting list until there is room for her.

So this whole story of there being 500 or 600 spots open to Louisiana students, and until those spots are full, there is space for all is not quite true. In reality there are only so many spots per grade, and once those spots are full, even if the 500 total spots aren’t filled, you are still put on a waiting list.

I know several other homeschool families are still trying to decide between CA & K12, so I suspect a spot will open up for her as they make their decisions and withdraw their kids from one or the other. We may not get much notice that she’s off the waiting list, but I’ll have to live with it.

I called CA to ask where on the waiting list Meme is. Remember that the other 2 kids haven’t even made it past the application part, and while the customer support person was muttering to himself, it sounds like many of the grade levels are full. The person I spoke with was helpful and said that Meme’s grade filled up recently. He did base this opinion on the fact that he hasn’t received any official notice that it is full, so the customer support people haven’t even been notified.

What did I find out then? That she may or may not be near the top of the list, which is what I already knew. At least they were helpful and polite in telling me that.

Hopefully she isn’t on the waiting list long for her grade with CA. K12 is trying to place her in a grade level above what I feel she should be in, and I really do want her to try CA. From the research I’ve done, I get the feeling that she would be a better fit for CA or that CA is a better fit for her.

Okay, so I looked at my enrollment page on CA’s website, and they only added 2 forms and a placement test from the original request.   She only took the on-line placement test yesterday. So that they placed her in the approved category a day later is actually pretty impressive. Delaying taking it was my fault.

The only other thing I was missing form-wise was the Homeschool Prior Academic History Form, which I sent in with the original packet of forms. The form didn’t have much room for writing details on the curricula we used last year, and so I filled it in as best as the space allowed. It took them forever to review it and let me know that they needed more information. I only realized within the last week or two that I needed to redo the whole form and resend it. I did that yesterday too.

One bad on my part and one bad on their part. The lesson learned is to fill out the forms better than “as best as possible” and take the placement tests in a timely manner.

Now to get on the phone with K12, with whom all three kids are accepted already, to see if I can get Meme placed in the appropriate grade level. Why am I writing this instead? I’m so hesitant to call them because every time I do I get a completely different answer from the time before.  I called yesterday to figure out what forms were received but not yet reviewed, since there are 6 or 7 for each child that are still marked “please submit,” and I’ve submitted most of them.  

Yesterday I was told that since the kids are accepted, I don’t have to submit any other forms.  I know that can’t be true since two of the forms still marked “please submit” are Bobo’s & Meme’s immunization records, forms which are required by the state of Louisiana in order to enter a state funded school. I did send the forms in . . . three times . . . at least a month ago, but they are still marked “please submit.” *sigh*

 

Time to bite the bullet and just call. I swear they must have a personal file on me marked “difficult parent” and that’s why I’m constantly given to helpdesk people who don’t know anything but are willing to tell me anything to get me off the phone.

K12 & Connections Academy Update

Okay. It may seem like we’ve done nothing for 2 weeks, but on top of going to Hogwarts everyday, we’ve been doing a bit of schoolwork on the side, preparing for the Louisiana LEAP and trying to stay sane.

K12 finally sent out information about the placement tests they are giving, and their e-mail did not inspire confidence. I knew that they still have job advertisements for local directors and teachers, and so I have no idea how they are doing structurally. When you send out a blanket e-mail to your potential parents saying that you have no facility to use as a testing center and asking if we had any leads . . . uh . . . well . . . I think maybe you don’t have all your ducks in a row or even all of your ducks present to line up in said row.

Nation-wide K12 seems to have their act together a bit better than Connections, but on a local level, I’ve been more impressed with Connections Academy as far as being professional, keeping in touch with the parent (a.k.a. me) and making sure that I get everything they need turned in.

Connections does placement tests too, but theirs are on-line, short and to the point. Of course it is Connections academy who are making Jojo take the Louisiana LEAP in a state provided testing environment, but I can’t really fault them there since the LEAP is required for all students entering 9^th grade.
 
And the forms! As soon as I think I have all the forms they need faxed in, they add one or two to the list. That’s true with both schools. Then it takes forever for them to acknowledge that I send them in.  Somehow we will make it through this process, and I still don’t know how we will end up.

Bad Monkey

Sorry I've been incommunicado for the last 2 weeks. I was literally sucked into the world of Hogwarts. Seriously. I'm part of a group that puts on a 2 week Hogwarts summer camp every year, and it is as fun as it sounds.

This is me on Animagus Day

I do have lots of things to write about in our homeschooling life, but I'm still fairly exhausted from 2 hectic, busy, exciting, exhilarating, fun weeks. So for now, this pic will have to do.

Time Management? First I Need Time in Order to Manage It.

I sometimes find home-schooling advice in unlikely places.

Marion Zimmer Bradley is one of my favorite authors for light sci-fi reading, and I loved reading her editorials to new writers. One thing she said over and over that’s stuck with me for 20 years is that if you want to write, you have to do it despite constant interruptions from children, expectations of dinner and overwhelming piles of laundry. Using those as an excuse isn’t acceptable. If you can’t write while carrying on a conversation with a toddler, then you need to try harder.  I think the same goes for homeschooling.

5 monkeys and 1 one mom. You do the math. It’s true that not all of my monkeys are young children, but another gem of advice MZB said was that, yes, little kids can be constant interruptions, but their problems are usually along the lines of “I want a pb&j sandwich.” Whereas the problems pre-teen, teen and young adult monkeys bring to you are less often but so much more emotionally draining. Oh boy, was she right!

One more thing that Marion said which also applies to the home-school mom: make prolific use of your crock-pot.

Of all the things I do well, time management is not one of them. Not even close. I say this as I sit here writing rather than thinking of dinner, doing the dishes, getting dressed or a dozen other things that should be done by now.

I’ve tried several methods over the years to help be a more productive person. Lists. Schedules. Dry erase calendars. Computer programs that make awful noises to remind me of things.

I could argue that I have logged more hours creating the lists and schedules than using them, and my husband would agree. It’s not an onerous task; I love making lists and schedules. One might say that I love making lists and schedules a little too much, but I can’t deny their effectiveness – if followed, that is.

One book I am incredibly glad a fellow home-school mom recommended is Managers of Their Homes (MOTH) by Steve & Teri Maxwell (http://www.titus2.com/ecommerce/products/prod_listing.php/1100), who at the time that they wrote it home-schooled all 6, or was it 7, of their kids.

It has a strong religious bent (and yes, I am a secular homeschooler) that should be taken with a grain of salt, but I’ve never found a better book on making schedules for a homeschool family. Some of our parenting techniques clashed big time (she is not the attachment parent/extended breastfeeding/natural whole foods foodie that I attempt to be), but she gives advice that I still use.

 A few good kernels I learned from MOTH, other books and personal experience:

• Use MS Excel or another database program. It’s much easier to copy and paste when adjusting your schedule than erase and rewrite.
• Break the day up into 30 minute chunks, which are easier to handle and divvy out.
• Break your schedule up into days. I use a different page for each day of the week (no, I don’t make one for the weekends). Our Mondays look nothing like our Tuesdays. It was impossible to fit everything in at the same times everyday. So I prioritize and schedule the core elements in the most flexible time slots every day after I’ve plugged in our floating activities, such as co-op, scouts or park day.
• If possible, have at least one main schedule for each day that has everyone’s itinerary on it. That way I don’t schedule an intense math lesson with Meme at the same time as I’m reviewing reading with Bobo.
• With large families, kids must help. One of the most important lessons we can teach our monkeys is that we actually do have to work to be successful at anything. If your child does no chores, doesn’t help with his/her siblings and simply lounges around during all of their free time, the rude awakening they get when they step out of your house as an adult will be large indeed, and they may never recover.  Having your child do no chores does them a great disservice.

Here’s a sample schedule I made years ago when we only had 3 monkeys.

A pretty simple lay out. I love using colors to help read the columns more easily. 

Here’s another with more monkeys.

As the kids get older, I’ve tried both segmenting their days into half-hour chunks with different subjects and lumping them into 2 to 3 hour chunks of “school-work,” and I can’t tell you which method works best. It all depends on the child. Jojo does better with a whole list of things she should be doing, and then she one-by-one knocks them out. Meme likes knowing what she should be doing at what time. It’s 1:00 and you should be on your math work now, works best for her.

Most of all, be flexible. I can say that I spend all that time making a schedule and then never stick to it. It gives me a framework upon which to hang my day and something to refer back to when I can’t remember what we haven’t done, but I don’t have to stick to it no matter what.

A Very Painful Day

Once in my twenties while I was still nursing Meme, I had a cavity that needed filling.  As most nursing moms know, we generally don’t stop breastfeeding simply because some dentist tells us that breastfeeding and dental anesthesia don’t combine well. “Can’t the kid take a bottle?” is not acceptable.  I hated dental anesthesia anyway, so I decided that it would be fine to have the tooth drilling done without any pain meds. None at all. Not even a Tylenol. And yes, it did hurt. Quite a bit.

I would gladly take the pain from that day over the pain I felt yesterday afternoon trying to guide Jojo through the LEAP. It’s not that she can’t do the work. She is capable, but does she know that? I don’t know, but she acts like she doesn’t.

I thought after the success from the day before, Jojo would be less anxious. She should have felt more at ease from knowing that this test-taking stuff is within her realm of capability. The reading passages aren’t hard, and she had no problem understanding either the passages or the questions.  A greater familiarity with the test format should have made her more comfortable. I figured that we were ready to take a real life-sized language arts portion pretest and use the results to hone her skills.

Yet, she began with the attitude that she’s going to fail, and I don’t understand why she should feel that way. Test anxiety doesn’t sum it up, at least not fully.

Our work session yesterday didn’t start out well. I guess I forgot to tell her the day before, when explaining the LEAP and why she had to take it, that it wasn’t an on-line test that would take an hour or two.  I suppose I forgot to mention that it was a three day, written test she would have to take at a school in mid-city with a bunch of other kids.

“But it’s on-line!” she insisted.

“No hun, the Connections Academy’s assessment test is on-line.  The Louisiana LEAP is a state test; it has to be supervised by actual teachers and stuff.”

That look she gave me I mistakenly saw as sarcastic indignation.  You know, one of those looks of “Are you f***ing kidding me?”  But it turned out to be a look of pure panic and terror. My bad, but I won’t confuse the two looks again.

On a mildly related note, for the last three days while I’ve been working with Jojo, the boys have been exceptionally good. Maybe it’s the semi-clean state of the playroom, which is now messy enough that it should have caution tape around it.  Maybe it’s the extra sleep they are getting, but giving me 3 to 4 hour chunks to work with one of their sisters is a gift from them.

Back to yesterday: While the boys were occupied, I was puttering around the dining room just in case Jojo, who was at the dining room table, had a question. Just a little bit of light sewing so that I didn’t seem so engrossed in helping her, but it kept me near enough that she could feel comfortable asking me anything. Quietly she read the first passage.

“I don’t understand this question.” Now that look I should have recognized. Anger. Self-righteousness.  Sometimes my own naivety surprised me, but I thought she really didn’t understand the question.

“What’s the question?” I asked as I hopped up, possibly a bit too enthusiastically.

“What’s the point of this passage?” I was ready with my stock answer that the point of a passage is generally summed up in the first and last paragraphs, so let’s take a look at those.

“No mom,” she said with dead calm. “I understand the article. I just felt it was pointless.”

Okay.  There’s no stock answer for that. It didn’t get any prettier from there.

I just didn’t recognize all the signs of frustration and being overwhelmed.  We’ve had a weird view of schooling for the most part. I figure if the kids are really good readers and can do adequate math that they should be fine. After all, if you can read well then you can learn to do anything else. I push loads of good books at them and have them do their math work consistently. I have them write practical things like stories, letters and such.

Maybe I haven’t prepared them enough for standardized tests, but there wasn’t anything in these tests that she can’t do – except the test itself. 

Let’s just sum up the next hour with tears from us both, yelling from her, almost giving up (both of us again) and other unpleasant things. Towards the end, she was determined not to do the test for no other reason than the principle of it, but I was still determined that she does it.

If my children learn no other lesson from me I hope it’s that you don’t ever give up until you’ve really tried. 

I tried several tactics to convince her. She tried several tactics to convince me. Finally I reminded her that it’s only been a bit over 3 years since she started reading at all.

“No mom, it’s been 5.” Always the need to correct me. *sigh*

“No, I remember being pregnant with Ebby doing flash card with you in our old kitchen. I remember still doing the flash cards when he was a baby in the sling. And I remember you throwing a book across the room saying that you’ll never be able to read it, so why bother trying.  I remember the book.  It was the shorter, thinner Dick and Jane book with the brown cover. Do you remember that?”

I got a smile from her at least. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Can you read it now?”

“It’s way too easy to read now.”

“But you remember how that felt? And you remember we worked through it.” By then my bladder was screaming obscenities at. When I was washing my hands, I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, and I thought, “How did I come to this place? I’ve ruined my children’s lives by doing this, by homeschooling.”

By the time I got back to the dining room, she had finished writing the answers to that question and the next one. I looked over what she wrote, was satisfied and then went back to sewing.  I sat down with her several more times to explain things, look over her work and talk about stuff, but I’m hoping she worked a little more past her fear.

Today we took it easy and I gave her a bunch of workbook pages on punctuation and other grammar bits.  Of course she informed me that not only had she done these workbook pages before, but that she’s done much better ones. “You need the review,” I told her.

Tomorrow we start on the math portion. I still don’t know how we’re going to squeeze all this studying in and do everything else we have planned. Maybe some creative shuffling is in order.  

I haven’t even started the essay writing section, and I know she’ll freak out despite not being a bad writer. I figure the old 5-paragraph essay I learned in tenth grade English should do the trick. It will at least give her a concrete formula and framework to work with.

If I survive next month . . . I deserve a cookie!